I went home with a package of Sea Monkeys at a press event a few years ago and was waiting for the right time to spring it on my daughter. After 21 inches of snow and two days indoors, last weekend turned out to be the exact right time.
The hubs and I were stoked to show her the magic we had been enthralled with as kids, but after purifying the water we both came back to reality and started to feel bad about the hokum we were about to unleash on our child.
Sea Monkey packaging is wildly deceptive and designed to blow little minds. Sucked right in, my daughter couldn’t believe her luck. She was going to have her very own Princess sea monkey that was soooo pretty, what with the big round eyes and jaunty pose. I too remember thinking these smiling friends would keep me company late at night, in my room. Our guilt was felt even more keenly as she went to bed and made a final request to please get her up in the middle of the night if the eggs hatched.
Four days later, still no smiling friends. Fearing a crushing blow of disappointment we asked our 4-year-old what her thoughts were on the mendaciously named Sea Monkeys so we could gauge her reaction when she would (hopefully) see floating fleshy blobs in place of the smiling, royal family.
What do you think Sea Monkeys are?
They are fishes that are not real monkeys.
What are they going to do in there when they finally hatch?
I think they’re going to eat food and they’re going to play with my toys that I give them. I’m going to get them a new ball – a little one. It’s going to be so small for them to play with it. They will roll over and play dead.
What are you going to name your Sea Monkeys?
The Princess is going to be Sleeping Beauty. The big brother is going to be Carl. It has to be Carl. Folly is the big sister. The cousins will be named Harry Morrison. And I want the daddy’s name to be King.
Why do you like Sea Monkeys?
They’re my friends and they’re cute.
My guilt was alleviated a bit when one big one did hatch and she promptly crowned him “King Herbert.” She didn’t seem to notice he was missing googly eyes and a crown. He was hers and she was going to love him with all her heart.
Next up, our first talk about death.